Suicide Note

Hey...
Im leaving this letter to the part of me who's dying and to you. Yes, you!
I don't even know how to star, what to say.
I am mad, I am really mad, and I believe I have the reasons to be mad, but once again, you turned it to you...I'm never allowed to be mad, because I am trying to be perfect the entire time, trying not to make mistakes but yeah, with my luck, everything turns the other way around, and the more perfect I try to be, the more mistakes I make.
So yeah, I am mad, I am mad at myself for being so stupid, so broken, so naive, so victim as you called me, so...so me.
I never showed you something that I am not, I presented myself to you exactley the way I am: childish, no chance for mending my broken heart, idiot, silly, unhappy and unbeliveably blind.
From now on, I'll stop being that person, I'll kill it, I'll kill me.
I'll be whoever you want me to be, I'll take care of you, I'll be always smiling, I'll feel no pain again, I won't argue about a thing, I'll stop thinking in myself (oh, I forgot this one above, SELFISH, a big, huge one, perhaps the biggest of all), I will sleep like an angel every single night and wake up with the most beautiful smile upon my face every single morning; I won't ever get exhausted again, I'll study every day, work on the weekends, call you at night to make you sleep like the little angel you are.
Do I sound ironic? Because I'm not being ironic, I really mean what I am saying!!!
No more dark side for me, no more tears, no more nothing...
Goodbye darkness my old friend...
Sounding too victim? How can I make it stop??
Gosh, I'm going mental...I WANT TO DIE!
So goodbye, and please, please never forget that, dark or bright side, I will, and do, Love you forever and ever, until not even a memory of me is left in this world.

Goodbye
I love you

Tottaly Random

I look myself in the mirror...I hadn't realized that I was so pale, circles so dark and deep around my blue eyes, making them even more dramatic than they already are...
Sudently I feel like a 40 years old woman trapped in a 20 years old body. Vital, fresh, soft white skin, rose cheeks...Inside a weight that is trying to put me to ground, it's even hard to breath, I just want to go away, to sleep for days and only wake up when everything has gone away.
I feel like an idiot...well, I am an idiot, I just have been fooling myself all of this time (you idiot girl...)
I don't know what to think anymore, I don't even know if I want to cry, afraid of looking even more pathetic...
I need vacations of myself, I need another body and specially another mind and soul...
I need...well, I don't know what I need.

What a Fool!

Wow...I really made a fool of myself...!

From Dreams...to Reality

I just wished...well, bad way to start something, let me refrase.

My world seems to be falling down. I just wished that everything was as simple as it was when I was a kid.
I can't wait to get out of this place, the more time i spend here, the more suffocated I feel, i fear that someday the air will actually end...
Melodramas aside, i just wished to get out of here, of this family who thinks it's so perfect and united but that it's everything but that, where a mother is always pissed and thinking about her own problems, a sister who is too childish, spoiled and sneaky and a father who thinks the world is pink and that everybody has to love each other and apolagize.

I am done with that mask of the perfect family...I hate being here, I want to run away, forget everything and star over again, new people, new house, fresh and clean mind, no troubles at all...I want...forget it...dreams are for silly people.

I already dreamed too much...for a 20 years old woman, I am pretty silly and naive...dreams are for who can actually make theire dreams come true...I have to learn to limit myself to live with what I have, with my disfunctional family, my corrupt class at college, my memories of stupid silly dreams, my messy room that I hate just looking. I'll never have the perfect house by the sea in a Greek island, I'll never have the dog, the husband who loves to play the drums, the twins, the world trips...I'll have a miserable job at some prison doing phsycological tests to murderes and drug dealers (this is, if I get a job, the way things are...) and with my luck, I'll keep living in this hatefull town until I die...I'll keep being dark, proud, misunderstood, stubourn, impossible to my family, fearfull to my friends and with an emty life...yeah...sounds preety good...

At least there is still one special person in this world who I love and who loves me back.

A Matter Of Time

I'm better than I was yesterday and way worst than I will be tomorrow...