Back to Where it Was

So...I guess I lost my skill to write...I miss the way I gave form to words, but now it seems I lost it...And it wans't the only thing I lost...I lost myself, again.

I keep making mistakes, keep trying to please everyone and keeping letting myself down, over and over again.

I got back to the dark place that I was so afraid of going back once.

Again, love didn't brought anything good, on the contrary, it only makes everything worst.

I let myself be fooled, I got blinded by the amazing person he is, not only beautiful on the outside, but perfect on the inside, loyal, honest, smart, funny...I told myself that if he wanted, he would have everything, I would open myslef, my demons, I would take care of him as no one else did until today, I told myself that if he wanted, he would have all my love...

But again, I have a sign saying "DAMAGED, keep out" pointing at me.

So I'll be back in my well, my grave, my hole, or whatever you want to call it, I'll be back to my dark little corner, the promiss this time is for real, no love, no falling for anyone ever again, I won't let anyone get any closer because they might get hurt.

Whoever said that it's not our fault to have feelings, to allow ourselves to feel, is just wrong. This is why I need my control, this is why I was so afraid of letting myself go. Well, I've tried it and it didn't worked...again!

I'm just exhausted of being me, always trying to have the greatest of intentions and ending up screwing everything over and over and over again.

My books will be my best friends again, my music, my dark corner, my stupid fairy tales and my idiotic fantasies...maybe that way I'll be able to write something good again...
My shell seems pretty cozy at the moment, darkness feels like home. I'm alone, I always have been and I always will be, and it's stupid and silly of me trying to convince myself the other way arround, when I know that I'm meant to be alone.

Everything will be back to where it was.